Turning 18 is a momentous milestone. 

The gangly thing that used to be a child is taking their first step into adulthood; having ideas of their own and developing actual autonomy. It’s terrifying. 

But alas, an eighteenth birthday was always on the cards. (Ever since their parents realised the squirmy, smelly thing on the carpet actually had to be fed and watered) and so the wheels are in motion for the biggest birthday bash of their life.

You may be the panicked Dad or Mom in question or you may be someone else.

Whoever you are, you have the job of delivering an 18th Birthday card. 

But strange computer person, what should I write in an 18th Birthday card? I creepily hear you ask. 

Well, I shall tell you, with my weird and wonderful array of funny 18th birthday wishes.

• You’re turning 18. It only gets worse from here.
• Happy 18th. It’s time to start adulting.
• You’re officially an adult. Give a couple of swear words a try and see what your parents let you get away with.
• Rest in Peace: your childhood.
• I wasn’t going to put any money in your card but then I realised you rely on birthday donations in order to live.
• It’s your 18th. Time to get off your face.
• 18 years of being an absolute calamity.
• You don’t look a day over 17.
• Happy 18th. In dog years you’re dead.

• You made it to level 18.
• Apparently you’re an adult now. I don’t buy it.
• Billy the Kid had already been charged with twelve murders by the time he was 18. So congratulations on not being that problematic.
• Joan of Arc was leading troops in France when she was 18. You couldn’t even lead a piss up in a brewery.
• Welcome to adulthood. You’re now boarding the train to destination death, calling at hard work, misery, and hopelessness.
• You’re an official adult. Time to start acting like one. Lol nah. Absolutely not.
• Your teenage years are almost at an end.
• Adulthood is the worst birthday gift there is.
• Your childhood is over. Which is just as depressing as it sounds.
• Happy 18th Birthday. You can bring the alcohol out from under your bed now. It’s legal.
• You’re just as awesome as you were last year. So still not very awesome then.
• Happy 18th, all the things you enjoy are now officially ‘childish’ (quote image)
• Your childhood has expired.
• Being an adult is just like being a child, except there’s more hard work and lots of depression.
• This is the last year you’re going to be seeing any money in your birthday cards. It’s Poorsville from here on out.
• If you can tear your eyes away from your phone long enough to read this then Happy 18th Birthday.
• Yes! You’re 18! Time to have lots and lots of se-nsible activities lined up appropriate for a respectful adult of your age.

• Happy 18th Birthday to my best friend. If being sexy was a crime, you’d be a law-abiding citizen.
• Happy Birthday Bestie. We’re both 18-year-old disasters but we’re still killing it. 
• Happy 18th Birthday to my best friend. You might be an adult now but it doesn’t mean you have to grow up.
• Can’t believe my best friend is officially an adult. Does this mean I’m now your padawan? (there’s one for the nerds out there)

• Best friends that go wild together, get arrested together. Happy 18th.
• Happy 18th Birthday to my best friend. It’s now legal for you to become an alcoholic.
• Happy Birthday to my favourite 18-year-old gay best friend.
• Happy 18th Birthday Bestie. I was going to get you a nice card and then I remembered I don’t actually like you that much.
• You’re now the responsible adult of our friendship group.

• Happy 18th Birthday to my beautiful daughter. No, you’re not allowed to go on Love Island.
• To a special daughter on her 18th. You’ve done the exact opposite of what I’ve asked for your entire life. So tonight, make sure you get very drunk, be as wild as possible and get home late.
• Happy Birthday big Sister from your grown-ass relative pretending to be the dog. Woof-woof and all that.
• To my amazing daughter on her 18th! I can’t believe I’ve kept you alive this long. It should be me getting presents.

• You’ve just got one more year left to avoid a teenage pregnancy.
• Happy 18th Birthday to a special Niece. You can now be put in prison for things. But then again; warm cell, free food, TV in your room, no bills. Sounds quite fun actually.
• Happy 18th Sis. I’m proud of the annoying teenager you’ve turned into.
• To a fantastic Granddaughter, you’re ageing like a cheap bottle of plonk.
• Happy 18th Birthday from your proud grandparents. You’ll be as wrinkly as us one day.
• Happy 18th Birthday to a fantastic niece. You get your elegance and poise from me. You get your foul mouth from your uncle.
• Happy 18th to a special niece. You make me the proudest Aunty in the world. Just don’t start going off the rails now.

• 18th Birthday starter pack: Lynx Africa, spot cream and an awkward chat about the birds and the bees.
• Happy 18th Birthday Son from Mom. Oh, how the tables have turned. You’re finally old enough to look after yourself.
• Happy 18th Birthday son, it only feels like yesterday I was wiping your bum.
• Happy 18th Birthday from Dad. If you dare get a girl pregnant it’s now legal for me to kick you out of the house.
• Happy 18th Birthday to an amazing son. You turned out alright.
• Happy Birthday to my 18-year-old disgrace of a brother. 

• Happy 18th Birthday Bro. No more fake ID.
• Happy 18th Birthday Brother. I remember when you were an annoying little 8-year-old. Now you’re an annoying little 18-year-old.
• Happy 18th Birthday to a special grandson. When I was your age we didn’t get money in a card. So, I haven’t put any in yours.
• To an amazing Nephew. There are many words I could use to describe the type of person you are. But let’s not upset you on your birthday.
• I’m the coolest uncle in the world. Let's get that out of the way first. Oh, and Happy 18th Birthday to my plonker of a nephew.
• I didn’t know what to write in an 18th Birthday card for a grandson so I’ve just said: Eat your greens. 

Summary:

So, there we go. What have we learned? I’m not really sure I wasn’t paying attention but it’s probably something deep and philosophical. 

Speaking of which, I hope I have sparked off an idea in that head of yours as to what offensive and funny things to write inside an 18th Birthday card. 

That wasn’t really deep or philosophical but alas, is the point of this text. So yes. Thanks for reading.

Anyway, while you’re here, why not browse some of our funny 18th Birthday Cards below. 

We have a variety of different cards that are perfect for the occasion and sure to put a smile on the recipient’s face. 

Give them a little look and thanks for stopping by. Farewell. 

The end. Fin.