What To Write In A Birthday Card Featured

What To Write In A Birthday Card (Funny & Rude)

What To Write In A Birthday Card (Funny & Rude)

Sometimes it's hard to know what to write in a birthday card.

Beyond a simple Happy Birthday obviously!

Maybe you find the soppy messages already printed in the cards you get from the shops a bit shit?

That's why you have us at LimaLima to help you out!

Not only do we stock an absolutely fantastic range of funny birthday cards but are also willing to help you lazy fuckers out by providing a funny or insulting message for inside.

Without further ado, here are 53 birthday messages you will not find anywhere else....

Birthday Card Messages

Happy birthday beautiful. Jks.

You should celebrate your birthday the same way you came into the world, naked and crying.

Happy birthday ya big cock sucker!

You're so old the Dead Sea was just getting sick when you were born.

Will there be cake?!

Happy 13th birthday to the teenager who's been a teenager since they were 3 years old! 

I don't have a present for you as my presence is your present. You're welcome!

Don't give a shit it's your birthday, but I heard there'd be beer.

You just went from slag to old slag. Happy Birthday!

Hope your birthday involves a shit load of booze!

Happy Birthday to the office slut.

May you live long enough to shit your own pants.

I'm not going to put an age related joke in this card as I genuinely feel bad about how old you are.

Yes let's all celebrate the day you touched your mums vagina!

I was going to make you a rum cake for your birthday but now it's just cake. And I'm drunk.

Happy birthday to a dear sister on her birthday, A sister is a friend for life, Until you start stealing my clothes again then you're dead to me. Lots of Love!

Is the cake going to be big enough for all the candles?

Happy birthday, one year closer to your death day..

There was a few famous people born on your birthday. You are not one of them.

Let's get fucking smashed!!

Keep on growing old disgracefully, Happy Birthday!

Thanks for making me feel younger. 

Probably cause you're fucking ancient.

Another year older and still no wiser..

Cue mid-life crisis? 

Happy birthday to Mum and Dad's second favourite child.

Aging is hard work, and with you it really shows!


Forget the past, it's already been. Forget the future as you can't predict it. Forget about the present too, cause I did. So enjoy this card!

Happy birthday to my amazing, gorgeous and witty daughter/son. You really remind me of myself.

So now you are the oldest you've ever been but also the youngest you'll ever be so.. there's that! 

You're fucking ancient now!

You're so old the movie Jurassic Park brings back memories.

You're so old, when you went to an auction everyone started bidding on you.

You're so old that doing it three times a night is how many times you get up to use the loo.

You're so old Fred Flintstone was your neighbour.

I hope you've started saving for the facelift.

Hey sugar tits, have a great day!

Happy Birthday Old Fart. Age is just a number. Unfortunately for you, yours is quite a high number.

As you get older, the hangovers get worse!

I've already given you herpes so didn't think you'd want anything else from me.

Happy Birthday, wanna shag?

Don't worry if birthdays get you depressed, at your age you won't have many more birthdays to worry about.

You're 18! Now officially an adult, on paper anyway.

21 and still not got laid? 

Happy birthday Mum/Dad, this year we've all chipped in for a place at the nursing home. Never too early!

Let's party like it's 1999, or 1899 in your case, as you were there.

Be grateful I got you a card and not just wrote on your Facebook wall.

A card from the queen next year is it??

4 out of 5 people receive a nice bit of cash in their cards. Happy Birthday Number 5!

Best wishes for your birthday, as your friend I promise not to reveal your real age.

Hope you have a great birthday. Sorry I won't be able to make it to your Surprise party!

Happy Birthday Grey Pubes!

You could take one really good humoured line, or even mix it up and take a few of the lines and make a whole paragraph if you wish! Really giving the birthday girl or boy a good laugh.

Make it your own funny card, and they'll never forget the laugh they had at your offensive insults. Or not, oopsie.

Be it your mum or dad, sister or brother, best friend or a work colleague, even a card from the dog!

They'll be sure to know you've put effort and thought into their card and bring a smile to their faces knowing you've written a side-splitting little note in their birthday card.

We hope you enjoyed the list of funny and insulting things to write in your birthday and found it as amusing as we have!

Feel free to share!

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