What To Write In A New Home Card Featured

What To Write In A New Home Card

What To Write In A New Home Card


Ah a new home, the only place you can poop most comfortably, the place where you can say what you want, cause no one listens to you anyway.


Moving house for the first time, or the 6th time! It's still exciting... I'm sure...


Maybe your best friend has got married and has taken the plunge and is slowly settling down in their new marital home. RIP mate...


Your pal has finally got their first bachelor pad? Shagtastic!


Maybe your kid is all grown up, has finally got their own place and flown the nest? Yes, peace! No more picking up jizz covered socks or make-up stained towels...


But to be fair, for anyone moving house it's a stressful time. All the clearing, packing and moving furniture. Not to mention the unpacking and doing it all again when they finally get into their new home. What a fucking palaver!


We know you can't be bothered helping them with the move. Too much hard work right?? So why not get them a super new home card from our utterly fantastic range instead!


The mortgage wankers might even forget you never bothered to help them with their move. Winner!


Annnnndddd..... we've even got a list of things you could write in your new home card:

New Home Card Messages

Good luck in your new home, I wish you happy times, love and warm wishes. Also, can I have your wifi password?


So this is where you'll be doing your shagging from now on?


Thanks for moving far enough away I don't have to feel guilty about not visiting.


Glad you've moved, your old house was a shithole!


Congratulations on the new address, the new house, and all of the new experiences that you will have as a homeowner. By experiences, I mean problems you have to pay for! 


We're really happy you've moved out! that's it really.


Good luck with your fancy new home, Mr fancypants! 


Can't wait to Netflix and chill at your new pad.


New home, same ugly cunt face.


A home is a castle so that must make you a big old queen!


Hope your new home is not haunted.


#newhouseknobhead


Good job on finding a new place not to do the fucking dishes!


Do the carpets match the curtains??


You got a new house?! Shut the front door! No seriously shut it, it's fucking freezing.


Good luck with all the flatpacks!


There goes the life savings!


I heard there's a body under the patio. Enjoy your new home!


Congrats on your lovely home. It will not be so lovely when you have a rugrat running around ruining it all! 


Let me know which one is my room.


Enjoy your new house you selfish bastard.


A home is only as good as the people who live in it, so pretty shit then?!


Good luck convincing the neighbours you're normal!


I know where you live! 


Well done, you're the new kids on the block.


Welcome to the wonderful world of mortgage repayments!


Hope your new home is lovely. Because you'll never be able to afford to go out again.

May your new home be filled with love, laughter, happiness and WINE!


I hope your new neighbours are not complete cunts.


#MortgageWanker


Can't wait to overstay my welcome!


There goes the neighbourhood! 


Ooooohhhhhh. You're a proper grown up.


Hi welcome to the neighbourhood, can I watch you naked through the window?


Do not bring your washing over.


Congrats on your new home, where you can wank in peace.


Congratulations to you for moving, and congratulations to me for not having to help you move!


Looking forward to having a proper big shit in your new toilet!


I bet your parents must be celebrating!


Congrats. Always remember home is the wife rules! Sucker.


Now you can walk around naked, but please close the blinds. Think of your neighbours!


New home- proper grown up now.


I will be looking forward to coming over to visit, mainly to escape my kids.


Glad you've moved closer to the dogging area you love so much.


I'm glad the mass murder that happened in your home didn't put you off!


Well done, you motherfucking homeowner!


You'll have to keep the cross-dressing to a minimum now in case the missus finds out!


I love your new home so much I can see myself living here! where's my key?


Your house is made from bricks,  And you are total pricks.  I'm not good at poems.


When's the fucking housewarming party??!


Up to your arse in debt, no cash, but hey, here's a card! 


We really hope this list of humdingers to write in your fabulous card has given you a giggle and it will do the recipient too.


So when you (hopefully) get invited to the housewarming party. Which you know will be full of people you don't even know, probably a dickhead of an ex you didn't need to see, ever again!


Why not plaster on a fake smile, take a nice plant, and a bottle of fizzy wine. Don't drink it on the way though!


Getting pissed up and vomiting all over their new rug would not be a good move! 


Unforgettable obviously, but probably not in the best way. To really make the move to their new home unforgettable, in a good way of course, would be to get a super hilarious card to really get everyone laughing.

Shop our full range of funny new home cards here

Buy 3 cards for £5 or 10 cards for £10

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