Are you struggling to think of what to write inside a 60th Birthday card? 

Don’t worry I’ve got you covered, hold my digital hand and let me guide you through my plethora of birthday quotes, wishes, poems and just plain disrespectful 60th birthday messages. 

Off we go.

Carbon dating on your knickers has confirmed that yes, you’re unfortunately 60 years old.

Don’t let 60 get you down, you’ll never get back up again.

Back in your day I hadn’t even been born.

I was going to get you some anti-aging cream but there’s not enough of it in the world to fix that wrinkled old mug.

You’ve got more wrinkles than a rain soaked, windswept piece of A4.

You’re an old beast but we love you.

Congratulations for still being alive. 

Your doomsday clock starts counting down once you hit 60.

To a special cousin on your 60th. A special, very old cousin.

Happy 60th Birthday cousin. Us old fogeys have to stick together.

Happy 60th you old git.

Lost memories, things going missing, mysteriously stained underwear? It’s not going to take Sherlock to solve this one…it’s old age.

I bet you’re feeling frisky at 60. Just be careful with those hips at your age.

Covid, war, recession and now you’re 60. Life isn’t half rough for some people.

Another 10 years and we can throw you a platinum jubilee.

Five dozen…it’s 60. (That’s a bingo call, it’s where you’ll be spending your evenings from now on you old soak)

You’re now entering the period of your life where all of your favourite childhood film and tv has been remade twice over.

Telling folk you’re 55 just isn’t going to cut it anymore. 

You may be the same age as some of the exhibits in the natural history museum but we still love you.

Happy 60th Birthday, you’re practically a living exhibit.

To my best friend on her 60th. Happy Birthday you stale old piece of toast.

For an amazing best friend on your birthday. I was going to put money in this but 60 was just too high a number.

Happy 60th Birthday you randy old goat.

Don’t worry I won’t mention your age because it’s very, very high.

Happy 60th. You’re one year older than Doctor Who, an ancient decades old alien who’s been around longer than the whole of humanity. That’s got to be depressing.

Happy 60th Birthday. Your bits will start to drop off before long.

You’re 60. Time for balding, liver spots and false teeth.

60’s like a warm hug. If you were naked, in the woods and it was from a bear who hadn’t eaten for 3 weeks. 

You know you’re getting old when all the people 10 years younger than you have grey hair.

When you hit 60, you’ll find more and more people start offering you their seats on the bus.

Happy 60th Dad. This is the time of your life where you forget if you’ve put your trousers on or not.

Dad I’m struggling to find pants that fit you at your age so I’ve just popped a tenner in here and you can sort yourself out. 

Happy 60th Birthday Dad. You’re going to start dribbling more when you pee.

Here’s a dad joke. What do you call a 60-year-old calamity? You.

Happy 60th Bro. Now you’re 60 you’re going to start weeing at random, forgetting where you left your keys, groaning after every minor limb movement and finding bits of food wedged in your nose hair. Fun times ahead.

Happy 60th Bro. You’re not over the hill yet but you’re pretty damn close.

To a special brother on his Birthday, Happy 60th, you dusty old fossil.

To my much, much, much older brother on his 60th. What’s it like being ancient beyond belief?

Happy 60th Birthday to a special Grandad. (Who goes on a bit).

To my special husband. I still love you even though you’re 60.

Happy 60th Birthday to my Husband, I might have to trade you in for a younger model.

Happy 60th Birthday Hubby. Your penis might look like a chipolata and your balls keep getting caught in the floorboards but I still love you.

Happy 60th to a special husband. Men are supposed to look better as they age. I guess that must have skipped you.

You’re a respectful old gentleman. Apparently. Happy 60th. 

You can tell you’re getting on a bit, there’s actual mould in your underpants. 

To my amazing sister. You’re still looking fresh at 60. Like a big old piece of spam.

Welcome to your sixties Sis, don’t let the door hit your saggy arse on the way in.

Welcome to Oldsville sis. It’s all downhill from here.

Happy 60th Birthday Mom. Your descent into a mean old lady has officially begun.

Happy 60th to an amazing Mom. You’re not grey, just snow-capped.

Happy 60th Birthday Grandma. You’re quite young in granny terms.

To my amazing wife on her 60th. Here’s to growing old disgracefully.

To my gorgeous 60-year-old wife, time to start double checking when you fart.

Happy 60th Birthday to my amazing wife. Your hands might not be able to touch your toes anymore but at least your tits can.

Happy 60th to my long-suffering wife. Thanks for putting up with my bullshit.

It’s taken you 60 years to look this fabulous.

Fun, fit and fabulous at 60 (maybe not as fit as you’d like).

To my bestie on her 60th. It takes a special lady to rock those wrinkles.

To a special friend on her 60th. Once we were young, hip and happening. Now we’re old, need new hips and absolutely nothing is happening.

You’re still as glamorous at 60. Just a little bit slower.

Happy 60th Bestie. Get some WD40 first if you want to spread your legs from now on.

Listen up now that you’re 60, you’re too old to be feeling frisky. The time has come for a pipe and slippers, where your only fun will be the wife’s fresh kippers. Parties, nights out and rounds of pints will be replaced with back ache and early nights. We’ll see the day in with a cheer, but sorry old bean it’s all downhill from here.

Summary:

There we have it, feel free to use this offensive list as inspiration or just completely ignore this if you’re a kind individual and you’d rather not insult your greetings card recipients on their birthday. 

Whatever you do, it’s up to you.

While we’ve got you here, why not take a look at some of our 60th Birthday cards below? 

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