So, you know someone who’s turning 40. 

The age where adulthood fades away and they enter the geriatric period like some sort of depressed, dusty dinosaur fossil. 

The world is rubbish and with the cost of living, rough housing market and low paid work they’re probably feeling embarrassed. 

Unmarried, single, still living at home with their parents, underwear blowing wistfully on Mom’s washing line like the oldest windsock at Gatwick. It’s tough. 

So why not take the piss out of them even more by using our handy guide for what to write in a 40th Birthday card.

Oh Christ, it’s your 40th.

Made in 1982.

Just when you think life couldn’t get any worse, you turn 40.

You’re the same age as E.T. And just as wrinkly. And you’ve also got his weird long neck but I wasn’t going to mention that.

You’re nearly as old as Star Wars. You were born a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away. And you smell like a Wookiee.

You’re 7 years older than Jesus when he died. That’s probably because a load of Romans have no interest in nailing you.

Happy 40th Birthday. Give those parts a workout before they rust. 

Yikes, you’re no longer ‘late thirties’

Don’t worry 40’s the new 30. It’s not but it’s fun to tell yourself that.

You’re not 40, you’re just double 20.

Four decades old and you’re still a fucking calamity. 

You’ve been on this earth for over 14,600 rotations. Are you feeling dizzy yet?

You’re 173 in dog years. 

Happy 40th to the oldest cousin I have. 

There’s cousin Itt, then there’s cousin tit. That’s you. Happy 40th Birthday.

Happy 40th Birthday, thanks for being the least embarrassing cousin.

It’s now acceptable to use phrases like ‘back in my day’ 

I was having a good day and then I remembered you were 40. My sincerest condolences. 

40! Midlife crisis time! 

It’s not paint, you’re going grey. 

40 might sound old but…. nah I’ve got nothing. It’s old.

Only boss ass bitches were born in 1982.

To one old cow from another. Happy 40th Birthday to a special friend.

Happy 40th Birthday Sis, time to get the granny stockings out.

Get that lady petrol down your neck, you’re going to need a jump start at your age. 

Nothing says a 40th birthday like a best friend whose breasts clap when they walk.

Happy 40th birthday old wrinkle face. Time to start whacking bulldog clips to the back of your neck. 

You’re old now, forgetting where you’ve left your knickers will no longer be a solely drunk experience. 

Madonna’s still whipping her tits out at 63, so there’s hope for you yet. 

Happy 40th birthday bestie, now’s the time for that face-lift.

You can’t put your lippy on too fast at your age, you’ll pull a muscle. 

One minute you’re knee deep in dick, the next you’ve got deep vein thrombosis.  

Happy 40th birthday you old slapper.

Happy 40th Birthday to my much, much, much older sister. 

Happy 40th to the ugly sister. 

Here’s to another 40 years of you being my sister. Can’t wait to be cleaning up your dribble when you’re 80.

To a special wife on her 40th Birthday. Who needs dogs? There's only one old bitch for me.

To my darling wife on her 40th. Thanks for putting up with my twattery for this long.

Happy 40th Birthday. You’re still as beautiful as the day I married you. Although saying that, you did have a veil over your face.

They say men can’t multitask but here you are going bald, grey, and wrinkly all at the same time. 

You’ve always been a sexy man, now you’re a sexy OLD man. 

Happy 40th birthday, where your only source of pleasure from now on will be the Doctor’s lubed finger fiddling your prostate every 2 years. 

Look at the bell end that’s just turned 40.

You’ve reached the age where it's now cringe to say Lads! Lads! Lads!

Prince William is 40 as well, that’s literally the only similarity between your life and his. 

Go out there and grab 40 by the balls. The wrinkly, tired old saggy balls. 

To my wonderful 40-year-old brother, I’m sorry I got all the youthful genes. 

Happy 40th Birthday Brother, love from the greatest thing our parents ever produced.

Oh god if you’re 40 then that means I can’t be too far off. Happy Birthday Bro.

Give us a smile for your 40th Dad before you lose all your teeth.

Happy 40th Dad, I hope I don’t look that rough at your age.

Happy Birthday Bro, you’re 39 years old: the extended edition.

Happy 40th Birthday to my grumpy old husband. You’re one whine away from being Victor Meldrew.

Happy 40th Birthday Hubby, I’m glad you’re the old looking one in our relationship.

40 years old, you better start finding better ways to pleasure me or I’ll have to trade you in.

Happy 40th Birthday to my husband. Your willy doesn’t work as well as it used to but you’ll do.

You’re still a special lady 40 years on. Here’s to the next 40.

To my gorgeous husband/wife, you’re still as glamorous at 40

Here’s to feeling fun, fit, and fabulous at 40

To a special sister/brother on your 40th. Here’s to another 40 years with you. 

Life begins at 40 and I can’t wait to spend the rest of mine with you.

We’re not just growing old; we’re growing old together.

How’s your back after carrying the weight of being totally awesome for 40 years?

Yes you may be 40, but please do not despair. It only means your tits will sag and you’ll get lots of thick grey hair.  

You may start to notice changes, as you enter decade four, but no you haven’t grown a tail, it’s your balls dragging on the floor.

You’ve put it off for ages and now might not be the time. To remind you that you’re going grey and no longer 39.

Today you’re turning 40, and now it’s time to start, dribbling after you have a piss and being careful not to shart.

Summary:  

That’s your lot, we hope this list of one liners has helped you work out what to write in your 40th Birthday cards. Insult the lucky lad or ladies in your life with a whole plethora of nonsense.

While you’re here, stick around and browse some of our funny Birthday cards below; you won’t be disappointed. 

Thank you for indulging in my chaos and we hope you pop by again soon.

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