50th Birthday One Liners
Someone you know is turning 50. It might be a family member, co-worker, brother, sister, friend (which is bad news; if your friends are turning 50 this probably means you’re very old as well) not that I’m saying that 50 is old.
But let's be honest….it is.
But the big question is, what do you say to these people?
These poor lost souls are entering their 50th year on this planet. You have to send them a card, you need to write something inside that card. You don’t know whether to commiserate or celebrate, laugh or cry, buy a tombstone or be as nice as possible to squeeze yourself into their will.
It’s a mix of emotions, we totally understand that. But don’t worry, we’ve got you covered with our handy 50th birthday one liner cheat guide below, helpfully split into lovely little categories.
God it’s like being back at school, give me some felt tips and a Venn diagram and I am off like a mad one but we don’t have any of that here, so settle for this tidy list instead of one liners to put inside a 50th Birthday Card.
Getting straight to the point and addressing the very old elephant in the room:
Good god you’re old.
You’ve been alive for half a century. Don’t know whether to clap or get out my big book of fossils.
You almost qualify for a bus pass.
Happy 50th Birthday you old fart.
You’re 50? I’m so sorry.
Can you imagine anything worse than being 49? Oh wait.
To my very old and decrepit Mom/Dad/Sister/Brother/delete as applicable.
Well done for making it this far.
It’s almost your 50th, urgent exit required (for all you line of duty fans out there).
Happy 50th, it’s all downhill from here.
You don’t look 50…from a distance.
If you were a horse we’d have shot you by now.
You’re like a classic car but with a lot more miles on the clock.
What’s the difference between you and the Egyptian pyramids? Nothing, you’re both old AF.
You can tell by all the lines on your face that you’re 50.
Maybe you want to insult the 50 year old recipients’ grey hair instead:
Happy 50th Birthday you grey haired old peasant.
Fifty shades of grey…hair.
I’m sorry you’re 50 but look on the bright side, it’s a way smaller number than the amount of grey hairs on your head.
If grey hair makes a person look distinguished, then you’re the most distinguished person on the planet.
Fun for any gender or relative:
I hope you’re still feeling frisky at 50.
Happy 50th birthday you old drunk.
Happy 50th Birthday Mom, thanks for pushing me out.
Happy 50th Dad, thanks for having the fastest swimmers.
Male: 50, still in good working order (change as necessary).
Female: 50, an absolute wreck of a woman but still does a good enough job (also change as necessary).
To my probably intoxicated 50-year-old: sister, brother, niece, nephew, Mom, Dad, Friend, Cactus, Estate agent and/or psychiatrist (delete as applicable).
The good thing about turning 50 is that everyone has to be extra nice to you, but you’ll be too busy taking grandad naps to notice.
Turning 50 means it’s now more socially acceptable to dribble and accidentally piss yourself from time to time.
50 is the new 49.
50 and just as fabulous as ever.
Whoop you’re 50, whip your bra off and let them hang down to your knees.
Mom, the presents are going to be much cheaper after your 50th because there’s no amount of makeup in the world that’s going to cover up those wrinkles.
To Dad on your 50th, guess who’s got to wear the nappies now? (Or diapers, delete as applicable).
To Mom on your 50th, it's time to start being very careful when you sneeze. It’ll be like an exploded drainpipe down there.
We have regressed to playground humour. Please stick with me:
You’re so old, you used to ride to work on a T-rex.
You’re so old, you only saw light for the first time when God switched on the sun.
You’re so old, you walked into the National History Museum and they tried to put you on display.
You’re so old, you were the first rat that carried the plague.
You’re so old, we’re sending your underwear off for carbon dating.
You know you’re old when you can’t be sure whether it’s going to be a fart or a shit.
I’m trying to think of something that’s older than you but I’m really struggling.
*Serious face* Now for some friendly 50th messages:
Happy 50th Birthday, you’re still the same, joyous person we know and love.
To a very special Mom, Dad, Brother, Sister, Best friend etc. on your 50th.
You deserve all the happiness in the world on your special 50th Birthday.
You’re so old, we’re sending your underwear off for carbon dating.
You know you’re old when you can’t be sure whether it’s going to be a fart or a shit.
I’m trying to think of something that’s older than you but I’m really struggling.
God they were grossly sentimental weren’t they? Back to the slums we go:
Everything you always wanted to know about sex’ was released 50 years ago. Obviously nobody told your Mom.
You’re the same age as Fiddler on the roof and to be honest that sums you up perfectly you dirty old pervert (keep or delete the last four words depending on how risqué you want to be).
50’s the year your penis falls off, blame science.
You’ve got one foot in the grave and the other inside Dave (I don’t even know anymore I’m running on empty at this point).
You’re the same age as the Watergate scandal. And you’re just as tricky, and twice as Dicky (bit of a niche one there, but they’re old they’ll understand).
50 years old means that nightclubs turn into quiet cafes, kebabs turn into roast dinners, shoes turn into comfy slippers and getting naked and dancing on the table turns into you exposing your crack as you bend down to do the weeding. Good luck.
In Summary:
In summary, it’s hard to think of what to write to somebody on their 50th but feel free to use the list above to spark your creative juices (ew).
While you’re here, why not try checking out some of our other cards below.
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