It’s your girlfriend’s birthday, it might be a casual relationship, a long-term thing, a movie-type love story or maybe she’s a bunch of pixels on an app, it doesn’t really matter. 

However serious, romantic, or imaginary your relationship may be, make sure you write something funny in her card.

If you’re not sure what to write however then step this way, take my clammy digital hand and I’ll help you out as best as I can by providing you with some funny birthday wishes for girlfriend ideas.

Happy Birthday to her indoors.

Happy Birthday to the beautiful girlfriend who’s going to let her boyfriend watch the football today isn’t she?

It’s a big responsibility dating somebody this sexy.

How haven’t you killed me yet?

Happy Birthday babe, thanks for putting up with me for another year.

It’s a bit weird that you’re expecting presents when you’ve got me.

When I asked myself ‘what can I get my girlfriend for her birthday’ the first thing that came to mind was this small, cheap piece of folded card.

A funny, intelligent, gorgeous man is sending his girlfriend this card.

You’re the best girlfriend I’ve ever had…put up with me for this long.

Happy Birthday to the girlfriend I share my whole world with. Mainly because you never ask to borrow anything first.

To my beautiful girlfriend. I’d walk over hot coals for you. Well, maybe moderately hot coals. Warm coals, warmish. A piece of lukewarm coal. Some sand.

We go together like mashed potato and ice cream. Now you may be thinking they don’t go together and you’d be right so… that doesn’t really work does it?

You’re just like a hot water bottle. In bed with me most of the time and then when I get too warm I just throw you out.

Happy Birthday to the world’s best girlfriend. On her good days.

I’d love you to the moon and back if it wasn’t so far to travel.

You still look fun, fit, and fabulous. Just a little bit more grey.

Happy Birthday to my gorgeous girlfriend. You snore like an absolute hog but I love you.

You melt my heart, like a big droopy ice cream on a sizzling pavement slab.

I’d wee on you if you got stung by a jellyfish. It doesn’t actually work but it’d be a laugh.

We go together like mashed potato and ice cream. Now you may be thinking they don’t go together and you’d be right so… that doesn’t really work does it?

You’re just like a hot water bottle. In bed with me most of the time and then when I get too warm I just throw you out.

Happy Birthday to the world’s best girlfriend. On her good days.

I’d love you to the moon and back if it wasn’t so far to travel.

You still look fun, fit, and fabulous. Just a little bit more grey.

Happy Birthday to my gorgeous girlfriend. You snore like an absolute hog but I love you.

You melt my heart, like a big droopy ice cream on a sizzling pavement slab.

I’d wee on you if you got stung by a jellyfish. It doesn’t actually work but it’d be a laugh.

Happy Birthday to the less attractive girlfriend in this relationship.

You’re my favourite lesbian. After myself of course.

I know how difficult it is to buy for girls so I didn’t bother.

Happy birthday to my wee little lesbian thespian.

Happy Birthday girlfriend, you were always too cool to be straight.

Take this lesbian birthday card as a token of my top-notch card buying skills.

I was going to get you a massive package this birthday but apparently my penis was small enough to send by mailing envelope.

If I was a dog you’d be the only rabid bitch I mounted.

Today’s the day you squelched out of a vagina and also the day I’ll be squelching back into one. That hopefully makes sense, it kind of sounded weird in my head.

I wanted a rude birthday card for a girlfriend but they’re all about the sex life that we don’t have.

Happy Birthday to the mardiest cow in the field. (you’ll notice I’ve left the room very quickly).

I hope the day is filled with celebration, joy, and grace, And then by 9 o’clock this evening, you’ll be sitting on my face.

A special present for my girlfriend, the best thing I can find,

It turns out that present’s me but I’m sure you’re not going to mind.

As I’m delivered to your door and the postman rolls his eyes,

You’ll unwrap your sexy boyfriend and get a huge surprise.

Roses are red, violets are blue, you’re the only person I’d let watch me poo.

Happy Birthday to my girlfriend, here’s to your special day.

Tonight, we’ll invite everyone round for a proper wild partayy.

But when the drinks start kicking in, tell the party guests beware,

that while they’re drinking cheap red wine, me and you will be upstairs.

You don’t need gifts as far as the eye can see when you’ve got a product that’s as fine as me. I’ll always love you and I’ll never stop but at some points you’ll wish that you could send me back to the shop. If you feel the urge you’ll just have to wait because I’m nowhere near my expiry date. But with that being said, in sickness and in health I am forever honoured that you picked me off the shelf.

Summary:

Hopefully there are a few things there to spark those creative juices for her special day. 

Whether it’s a funny birthday wish, an offensive message, or some funny birthday poems for a girlfriend, we hope we’ve got you covered. (And not in too much trouble.) 

While you’re here though, why not check out some of our girlfriend birthday cards. You’re sure to find something you’ll love. Thanks for stopping by.