Well, well, well, it’s your anniversary and you’ve left it late again. 

Your brow is sweating quite profusely and you’ve got no idea what to get your other half. New socks? A toy cactus? A trip to the shops to pick up a tiger loaf? 

There’s no point asking me, there’s more romance in a jar of pickles than there is in this noggin.

But fear not, what I can help you with is the card department and what exactly to write inside them with my funny anniversary quotes.

Take my metaphorical, quite cold for the time of year, digital hand as I guide you through an array of funny anniversary quotes, rude anniversary quotes and just plain daft anniversary quotes to amuse, excite or simply offend the luckily lad or lady in your life on your special day.

To an amazing boyfriend on our anniversary. Out of all the men, in all the world I ended up meeting you and not someone like Harry Styles or Chris Hemsworth. Ah well.

I wanted to get you a romantic anniversary card but I couldn't be arsed so take this instead.

You keep telling me I have to spend less money. So, I haven’t got you anything for our anniversary.

Happy Anniversary to my girlfriend. My tired, long-suffering girlfriend.

Happy Anniversary to a special girlfriend. We fit together like jigsaw pieces. Those ones you try and cram into the empty spaces even though they definitely don’t go there.

Hah you’re stuck with me forever. Happy Anniversary loser!

Happy Anniversary to a boyfriend I can’t believe I haven’t killed yet.

I wanted to get you something special for our anniversary but I wouldn’t fit in the envelope.

To my girlfriend on our anniversary. It’s a big responsibility dating somebody as sexy as me.

Happy Anniversary to the only person daft enough to date me.

Happy Anniversary to my Husband. Behind every great woman there is a man. Just there. Not really doing much.

We got to the end of another year and we’re not dead, in prison or locked up in an institution. I’d say that was a result. Happy wedding anniversary.

Happy wedding anniversary. If we were in caveman times I’d have clubbed you over the head and eaten you by now.

Happy anniversary to my wife. Thanks for putting up with all my crap.

Happy wedding anniversary to my wife from the best thing you ever said yes to.

You’re doing a super job. I wouldn’t have been able to put up with me for this long. Happy wedding anniversary.

Happy special wedding anniversary. Our marriage is 90% you telling me to do things and 10% me actually doing them.

Happy Anniversary to my special wife. May the day never come when you realise you’ve made a massive mistake.

Happy anniversary darling. I love you to the end of the world and back. Just not enough to actually go.

Happy Anniversary to a friend who’s now firmly under the thumb. Deeply missed member of the lads. Taken from us: 1st March 2022 (change date as applicable).

Happy anniversary to my favourite couple, I’m so glad you haven’t killed each other yet.

Happy anniversary to a couple of sickeningly happy folk. Boo to your romantic bliss.

Can you believe it’s been this many years since you married that animal gorgeous man?

Happy anniversary to my best friend, I’m so glad your marriage has provided us with so many hours of gossip.

I was going to get the pair of you a special anniversary card but then I remembered I don’t actually like you both that much.

Happy anniversary to a special couple. Do you remember when I thought he might be a serial killer? Oh wait, I wasn't supposed to say that.

In addition, it is also a good choice to give each other some delicate and beautiful pin badges as anniversary gifts. You can send elements such as what you want to say to him or her, dates that have special meaning to you, your names or group photos to the pin badgers designer, and let them make unique and thoughtful pins for you. They will help you design the perfect pin badgers according to your ideas. Learn more and make them.

Happy anniversary to the best parents in the world. Just remember to stick to the no PDA rule.

Happy anniversary to Mom and Dad. I think it’s very selfish you’ve lasted this long; children of divorced parents get two sets of presents.

To Mom on your anniversary, well done on not murdering Dad up to this point.

To Dad on your anniversary, I’m not sure how you’ve blagged it this far but keep at it.

Happy Wedding Anniversary to the most embarrassing Mom and Dad you could ask for.

Happy wedding anniversary Mom and Dad. You pair of old fogeys.

Happy anniversary Mr and Mrs bank of Mom and Dad.

Happy paper Anniversary, I didn’t know what to get you so I just bought a bunch of loo roll.

Happy 1st Anniversary. It’s only been a year? God my life’s dragging.

Happy one year anniversary. I’m glad you survived our first 12 months together.

I wanted to get you a funny first anniversary card but then I remembered I’m funny enough for the two of us.

Happy first wedding anniversary. 365 days since you said ‘I do’ with a lump in your throat and that regretful, haunted expression on your face.

As it’s our 1st wedding anniversary, I promise not to wake up grumpy. I’ll let you lie in instead.

You’ve done alright for our first year together. You get four-stars but there’s always room for improvement.

Happy 5-year wedding anniversary. We’ve been married for 157, 784, 630 seconds. And don’t I bloody know it.

5 years. I’ve known people get less for armed robbery.

Happy wooden wedding anniversary. I was going to whittle your face into a tree but that took mega effort so I’ve just got you this piece of card. It’s technically the same thing.

Happy 5th Wedding anniversary from your totally perfect, completely without faults, extremely humble Husband.

Happy wooden anniversary to the biggest plank I know.

Happy 5th anniversary, here’s to the next 60 odd. If you can put up with me for that long.

Happy 5 years of tolerating each other.

Happy Anniversary darling, I’m really starting to feel that seven-year itch.

Happy wool anniversary to my wolf in sheep’s clothing.

Happy 7-year wedding anniversary. 7 years of nagging bliss.

Happy 7-year Anniversary. After this long coping me I think it’s best I let you loose with the wool and not the copper.

Happy 7-year wool anniversary. Is the wool supposed to be used to wrap you up lovingly or to shove in your ears so you cant hear me being annoying?

7 years of marital bliss… is how I expected it would go. Never mind eh. Happy 7th Anniversary.

Happy wool anniversary. After 7 years coping with your snoring, I deserve to be made a saint.

Happy Tin anniversary. Cold on the outside, sweet treats on the inside and completely recyclable, sounds about right.

Your anniversary breakfast is coming out of a tin this year so brace yourself. I don’t make the rules.

Happy 10th Wedding anniversary hubby. We’re still just about tolerating each other. 

Happy 10-year anniversary to my wife, how have you coped this last decade living with someone as sexy as me?

Happy 10th anniversary to my breakfast in bed chef. Hint, hint, nudge, nudge.

Happy Anniversary to the best ‘ten-year stretch’ I’ve ever completed.

You saying things and me pretending I’m listening. It’s worked well enough for ten years. Here’s to many more. 

I heard this one’s the China anniversary, so I smashed all of our plates.

20 years of learning there’s no ‘winning an argument.’ I’m just always right.

Happy 20-year wedding anniversary to my wife. If I’d murdered you at the alter I’d be out of jail by now.

Happy 20th Anniversary to my husband. You’re a lot greyer than the day I met you but you’ll still do for now.

Happy China anniversary. I was going to get you some chow Mein but apparently that’s not what it means. 

Happy 20-year anniversary. I can’t believe it’s been two decades since the shotgun wedding.

Happy 20th Wedding anniversary, thanks for putting up with me.

Good news! It’s our 40th Wedding Anniversary. Bad news, it means we’re old.

Happy Ruby Anniversary. 40 years, how did that happen?

Happy 40th year of marriage. Our wedding was now officially in the ‘olden days’.

Happy 40th Anniversary to my darling wife. Diamonds may be a girl’s best friend but rubies are cheaper so shush.

To my husband on our 40th anniversary. I’m expecting rubies, lots, and lots of rubies.

Rubies are red, violets are blue. Are you stuck with me or am I stuck with you?

40 years of marriage. You look just as young as the day I met you. Apart from the wrinkles and all the grey hair.

Happy 50 – year anniversary. Congratulations on putting up with each other for 5 decades!

Yes it’s our golden anniversary but I’m not made of money so lower your damn expectations.

Happy 50th wedding anniversary. 50 glorious years together with my beautiful, darling wife. The light of my life and the centre of my world, the epitome of all that is good in the world and the glorious...is this enough compliments yet? I really can’t afford to buy you any gold.

To my husband on our 50th anniversary. I’ve tolerated you for half a century. Now that’s what I call duty.

I’ve still got your back 50 years later. Your stiff, achy back.

Happy 50th anniversary. The secret to a happy marriage is turning your hearing aid down so you can’t listen to me moan and taking your teeth out so you can’t answer back.

Happy 50th Anniversary. I’m getting chilly in my old age so you’re going to have to finally start sharing some of the duvet.

Happy Anniversary to my boyfriend. You give me a reason to smile every day. Mainly because you are a massive tosser.

I filled this anniversary card with all my love. That’s why it’s a bit sticky.

Happy Anniversary to my wife. There’s nobody else I’d rather fart on in bed.

To a couple of tits on our anniversary. From your husband.

Happy wedding anniversary. You used to get on my tits and now I get on yours.

People always ask why we’ve stayed together for so long and I’m always too embarrassed to say it’s because of your penis.

Happy anniversary to my girlfriend. To think it all started with a blowie kiss.

Happy wedding anniversary. You might be a bell end but you’re my bell end.

And to think I was imagining ways to kill you for the first few years. Happy Anniversary babes.

Summary:

I hope that has sparked your imagination as to what rude and funny quotes to write in an anniversary card. 

Whether it’s for a friend, for your husband, an anniversary card for your wife or even for your inflatable doll, there is something here for everyone.

While you’re around, why not check out some of our funny anniversary cards here. 

You’re sure to find something you love from our unique range and it's 3 for £5 or 10 for £10 so you can stock up on other occasions