Funny Happy Birthday For Him Quotes Featured

Funny Happy Birthday Him

Funny Happy Birthday Him

A gentleman in your life is having a birthday, wish them well on this auspicious occasion with something from our list of funny birthday wishes for him below.

We’ve got everything; from funny birthday wishes for a boyfriend, birthday jokes for a husband, offensive birthday messages for a guy and everything in between to mock, ridicule and make that special man in your life laugh on their birthday. 

Step this way (and don’t blame us for any offence caused).

Funny Happy Birthday Wishes for him:

Happy birthday. You’re as old as you are brilliant. Which is both good news and bad. 

Happy birthday fella, there’s a 99.9% chance you’re going to be completely off your face by 7 O’clock this evening.

Happy birthday to a guy who’s approaching 30, it’s just a shame you’re approaching it from the wrong direction. 

Happy birthday man, I was sorry to hear the bad news but don’t worry I’ll be old too one day.

Due to rising inflation, it turns out you’re just not old this year, you’re extra, extra old.

Happy birthday to the biggest gentleman I know. I mean it, you’re massive.

And here we find a rare and ancient specimen, celebrating another year on this planet. Happy birthday you old fossil. 

Happy birthday to an amazing guy. Old people usually get treated with respect on their birthday but today’s not your lucky day.

Happy birthday mate, we couldn’t fit all the candles on your cake without it being a complete fire hazard. 

Happy birthday mate, bold of you to assume I’d bother to put money in this.

Nothing says happy birthday like a 10p card and a Colin the caterpillar. 

Happy birthday to a total ledge. It takes guts to admit you’re as old as you.

With Age Comes Wisdom & Wrinkles Birthday Quote
Happy birthday man, with age comes wisdom, and a whole lot of wrinkles.​​

Happy birthday mate, you know I love you man. Not in a gay way, well actually it depends how much I’ve been drinking.

Happy Birthday to my favourite gay best friend, you’re definitely punching above your weight with a mate as sexy as me. 

I don’t usually send birthday cards but when I do it’s to special people like you. (There’s no money in it, you're not THAT special). 

There are a lot of ways I could describe what sort of a man you are but why ruin your birthday?

Offensive happy birthday for him:

I can’t remember how old you are so I’m just judging by your face. Happy 50th birthday. 

I would say it’s time to act your age but it’s probably best you don’t in case you die. 

Happy birthday to a man who really is the dog's bollocks. Hairy, droopy, and covered in fleas.

Happy birthday man, the drinks are on you. I need to be off my face to enjoy your company.

Have a great birthday old man, at your time of life there’s no going to be many left. 

Happy birthday old man, you creak more, you groan more and your bowel habits are a bit like Russian roulette but we still love you.

Happy birthday, another year since you slopped out of your mother.

Happy birthday mate, you’re ageing like rat piss.

Happy Birthday King
Happy Birthday King! The biggest royal fuck up I know.​​

In a world full of morons, you’re by far my favourite one. Love you man, happy birthday.

Happy Birthday bro. We might not be related but you’re still my brother. You’re annoying, we fall out sometimes and you smell like crap. 

I was going to get you a funny birthday card but at your age I was worried you’d piss yourself. Happy birthday oldie.

Funny Birthday Wishes for Boyfriend:

You’re proof that the perfect boyfriend isn’t the be-all and end-all, you can be perfectly happy with average.

Happy Birthday to my boyfriend, you are handsome, sweet, strong and the best person to be around…are the sort of things I’m expecting to hear from you today because I’m pretty amazing. 

Happy birthday boyfriend, you’re very lucky to have me.

Happy birthday to the second most amazing boyfriend. The first is me.


Happy birthday to my amazing boyfriend, you are worth the full £5 I put in this card.


Only boyfriends with a big penis get money in a card on their birthday, so it’s bad news I’m afraid.

Happy Birthday Boyfriend Knob
Happy birthday to the best boyfriend ever…when you’re not being a knob​​

Happy birthday to a marvellous boyfriend that I haven’t scared away yet. I’m obviously not trying hard enough.

Funny Birthday Quotes for Husband:

Happy birthday to my husband, every day you are turning more and more into a grumpy old man.

Happy birthday husband. Age is just a number, it’s just in your case it's quite a large one. 

Happy birthday to my husband, you get more and more good looking with age. But then again my eyesight is also getting worse.

Happy birthday hubby. The big prick with the little prick. 

A big thank you to my husband, your old age means we can heat the entire house for a week with your birthday candles. 

Happy birthday hubby, you’re lucky I like older men.

Some husbands are one of a kind. And then there’s you. Take that however you want.

Happy birthday to my husband who has the misfortune of having to put up with me every single day.

Funny family birthday messages for men:

Happy birthday to my shambles of a dad. Your gift this year is another day of me telling you to please stop bringing embarrassment upon our family.

Happy birthday dad, thanks for giving me all the good bits of your DNA.

Happy birthday bro, the second-best thing our mother has given birth to.

Happy birthday brother if we weren’t related I’d have probably killed you by now.

Happy birthday to my tragic Uncle, you do realise it’s your fault I’ve turned out like this?

Happy birthday Uncle, apparently you’re supposed to be the sensible one. What happened?

Happy birthday Grandad, congratulations for reaching this milestone. We were sure you’d be peeing yourself and wailing incoherently by now.

Happy birthday grandad, back in your day had birthdays even been invented?

Happy birthday son, you little shit.

To the greatest son in the world, we realise how difficult it is to carry the weight of having such awesome parents but you’ve been doing it brilliantly. 

Happy birthday to my nephew, if anyone asks you get none of your bad behaviour from me. I’m awesome. 

Happy birthday to my favourite nephew, don’t tell the others.


We hope this has inspired those creative juices when it comes to funny Birthday quotes for Him. 


Pick as many as you like from the list below and make your message inside your funny birthday card for him one to remember! 

Thanks for stopping by!

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